Letting Go of Mom Guilt

Sis, it’s time to let go of the mom guilt. Let’s start by agreeing that there are no perfect moms! All of us are probably really good in one area and struggling in another area. The truth is that the moms you see that are great in one area have another area that you know nothing about or that you can’t see. So, stop being jealous of the mom with the perfectly clean house. Learn from her but don’t be jealous of her. And the next time you feel bad because one kid makes straight A’s and your kid is struggling to make C’s, just pop yourself on the hand and say “no”. They may make good grades, but if that mom is honest with you, there is another area that is far from A-status. It just may not be one of the areas you can see as easily.

So here are just a few things I’ve learned to do that keep me half-way sane. Just HALF-way! LOL

1. Do what you can and let the rest go. At some point, you’ve got to stop to go to bed yourself. You owe it to yourself to take a long shower or bath sometimes too. Baths are powerful, friend. Read this blog post, ”Five Easy Ways to Make Time for Yourself Every Day” for more ideas about ways you can stop to do for yourself. I do what I can do each day, and when I feel the need to stop, I do…regardless of what did not get done. If it really matters, tomorrow is coming and that will just have to be sufficient. I cannot be all things to all people and have nothing left for myself. It’s taken me a long time to get here, but it’s so worth it. So keep trying.
   
2. I clean up sections at a time, all the time. I’ve accepted that cleaning up is the black hole and that makes falling so much easier. I do not try to clean up my whole house on a Saturday morning. I would love to, but my life does not work that way. If you have to be on a soccer field by 9 am, what time to do you really have to get up to have your whole house clean by 9 am? Right! Just don’t even go to sleep, sis! I choose the room I want to focus on and then I choose a specific area in the room, probably the one that needs the most attention. I never stop doing that. I do it every day whether it’s for 5 minutes or 50 minutes. Now, my house is far from clean and tidy, but it would be so much worse if I didn’t constantly work at it.
   
3. Make the kids help where they can. So a part of me doesn’t want their help because it comes with so much noise and drama, but the truth is that keeping my house decent is not a one-person job. Find SOMETHING they can do to help. I usually tell them that we’re all working on the living room (or whatever room you want) and their job is to find anything that doesn’t belong. They can do that! They do it at school all the time! They may not be great at deep cleaning, but they do know that empty juice and yogurt pouches belong in the trash and they can do that. Not to mention most of the things that are out of place belong to them anyway.
   
4. Homework is mainly for afterschool. My kids have a lot of homework, and I make it a point to my kids that their job in afterschool is to do their homework. I don’t leave the school until almost 6 pm and some days it’s later. We CANNOT start homework at 7 pm everyday. Although I do not feel that it’s the aftercare teacher’s job to make sure that my kids finish their homework and have it all correct, I do feel that they should give the kids an opportunity to get it done. My kids know what I expect and they don’t really want to have to do homework at home either. If you cannot start homework right after school, enroll your kids in aftercare if you can. Once you pick them up from school, you just can’t afford to have to make 4 stops, cook dinner, get everyone bathed, read bedtime stories and do fun-stuff all before 8 pm. Let some people help you. For me, afterschool is the help I need. When we get home, I just look to see that they did it all and that it’s correct. Sometimes we have to go back over somethings, but it takes minutes, not hours. If for some reason it starts taking too long, it gets filed in the “do what I can and let the rest go” pile. Waking up early the next day to finish is ALWAYS an option if we need it to be.
   
5. Sundays are a gift. We get up and go to church like everyone else, but since we’ve been going to virtual church, I use Sundays as a gift to me. I stopped sleeping-in late on Sundays and I get up at 5 am like every other day. I’ve been doing my click list on Sunday mornings, and I’ve been acting real ‘extra’ by having them delivered. It’s so worth the money to me. It gives me my TIME. With the time I’m spending NOT at the grocery store, I can cook a good breakfast for my kids and enjoy church with them. On Sunday evenings, I’ve been making sure that I have Monday’s school lunch packed AND I’ve located all the uniform pieces for the week. I need to start hanging them up in order, but it’s still a work in progress to get our mornings down to a science. I’m working on it, but it’s in the “do what you can do” pile for right now.

The main thing is to free yourself from your own expectations and certainly the expectations of others. Do the BEST you can and make decisions in your own best interest. You’re doing a great job simply because you care, so give yourself a break, stop worrying about every little thing, and find your happy place. We only have these babies for so long, so I personally feel that we have to find more ways to ENJOY the time we have with them as little people. And you being at your best is so critical to that enjoyment. Load the dishwasher, get a robot vac for yourself for Christmas, get those groceries delivered sometimes, and let the dog have a few extra treats if it makes them shush. I’m rooting for you!